When things don’t go my way I want to hide from reality. It seems as though it would be easier if I could just shut my door until the anger, the pain, the loneliness, and the terror subsided. If I could close my eyes and the world would shift to a new point. When I am not as important to people as they are to me. I work so hard not to trust people, not to love them as much as I can, but in the end I still hurt. I hurt from being rejected and then being loved. Love hurts even when it’s being given away, even when it’s being there for you whenever you need it. Love hurts when it’s the best for you not to be there. Memories are painful. It’s here that I remember the pain of my past, the pain of the disappointing future. The pain of my loss and my gains and my family. *Sometimes even when you’re sweet it hurts because I remember him being sweet, and it hurts, I just can’t trust you, but I want to, and it hurts.* When it rains in Seattle it smells fresh and like there’s new things happening. When it rains in Othello, it’s depressing. I am afraid of anger, and pain, and hate. Sometimes I feel like I am full of hate, and anger, and empty of kindness and compassion. I am lonely. I am alone. *I could look into your eyes forever. How much you care shows when I look into your eyes, and kissing you is amazing… but not enough* I’ve never had a nickname really. And it hurts when you call me Boo because I love you more. I didn’t want to love anyone. I have become so prickly, so quick to anger, so easy to become hurt. I am sorry. I feel like I need to be defensive about everything. You must understand that everyone I’ve ever been myself with, everyone I’ve ever shared everything with has turned on me. You must see that I am in love with you, but give me time and just be there for me.

I will go into hiding and look to the road and put my shoulders forward. Drifting off into the reality of the cruel world