Hope

I want to write something on Advent starting. I want it to be eloquent and well written, but I can't. I wish I could say I have it all planned out. I don't.
The truth is I have NO idea what we're doing for our Advent this year. 
All I know, is that I want a real Christmas, not a magical one. I want meaning, and hearts filled, and true Christmas spirit... and less stress.
We're lighting our first candle to signify hope. 

Isaaiah 9:2-6
The people walking in darkness    have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness    a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation    and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you    as people rejoice at the harvest,as warriors rejoice    when dividing the plunder. For as in the day of Midian’s defeat,    you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,    the bar across their shoulders,
    the rod of their oppressor. Every warrior’s boot used in battle    and every garment rolled in bloodwill be destined for burning,    will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born,    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

I'm taking this Advent for myself, I want to use it as a time to let my spirit rest and to find Hope. 

We've been going to church consistently for over a month... we really haven't been this consistent in years, not since we moved to Seattle. One thing I've found in dedicating myself to my spiritual quest, is that my heart is bathed in hurt. I mean, I was shocked when I realized it. I knew I had a bit of bitterness, but true searing pain in my heart still. Sometimes I sit in church angry, not with God, but with people. With the literal "church". Sometimes I go because my kids love going (they get cookies every week) and sometimes I go because I know my husband wants to go, and sometimes I go because I know how weary I am and I know where I can find rest. I know Him! no, not Santa; God. I know his warm hand on my heart, I know his gifts of the spirit, I know his Love for me. I know his presence. 

Hebrew 10:23

Let us hold resolutely to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

People are not faithful, but He is.

That's my Advent plan, to prepare my heart for him. 

But then, there's my kids. Just because I'm a bitter old hag doesn't mean we can't have ANY Christmas magic. I don't want Mae to have the youngest child syndrome where she doesn't get to experience anything just because I've already done this for 10 years. 

So I need balance. I need this simplicity balance, but also to fill the kids' heads with Christmas wonder. That's what I struggle to do. I asked Mae last night if she knew what Santa does and she scrunched up her nose and said, "Brings me presents!?" 

Yes, this year will be magical too. 

Luke 1:30-35

 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “Since I am a virgin?”

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God."