Friday, October 18, 2013

In Full disclosure...

Well, as usual, it's been a long time since I've posted. LOTS of things have changed in the two-month hiatus I took from blogging.

First of all; homeschooling. Didn't work out. It was a really hard decision and 3 weeks of a lot of stress. When I planned out our year I had joined a homeschool group that was very active doing field trips and excursions and a nature group and library things and books clubs, and had planned to join the YMCA and had a bunch of other things lined up. THEN my husband's job when cooky. They wanted to promote him to a position in Denver CO. It was really great money and we honestly thought about what we were going to do for a few weeks. One of our options were moving back to Spokane and quitting comcast or transferring to a sales position in a store... we had good council from my parents and decided to decline the promotion. We were unsure how his bosses would react but they were completely fine with it and gave him a different position in Everett WA, which is about an hour north. He hopefully will be able to transfer back to the Fife center in about 6 months or so. But basically he isn't working from home and is taking our one car. I prepared for it, we would have a LOT of evening activities. Cub Scouts, Awana, ballet, baseball, maybe soccer. We quit our homeschool group and got ready to stay home a lot more than we intended. But then, once it actually went into action, once Jerry was driving north for an hour in Seattle traffic and we were missing things and the kids were SO GRUMPY and unhappy... it was horrible. I had about a week of migraines (from stress) and at the same time Mae was on a nursing strike. She was unhappy and not sleeping. I told Jerry as rationally as possible, "I can't do this." and we made the decision together to re-enroll the kids in school, 4 weeks late.
That was not the end of stress though; I had a very hard time coming to terms with it. It felt like a failed or broken dream. Like you build a beautiful house only for it to burn down. Not quite that terrible, but it was something I've wanted so badly and spent countless hours researching and then to have all the books and it just didn't work. My kids were excited to be home schooled until we actually started. I'm sure people who do home school have no idea what I'm talking about, and I honestly was being crushed under the guilt of sending them back until I had posted on facebook (my personal group therapy!) that I was sending them and got an overwhelming amount of encouragement and support. As usual. I have amazing friends and family.

So they went back to school. And they are loving it. Joe is in 2nd grade and Sam is in 3rd. The bus is not a problem this year, thought in the past it's been horrible and I am so thankful for that.

Molly started Kindergarten on Wednesday after them and also is loving it, albeit a rough start. She is now bringing home pictures of her "best friends" and making plans for a sleep over.

It was a very very emotional time for me. I was really struggling with it all for about two weeks. But here we are now, about 3 weeks or so into it and everyone is very happy and doing SO well. It's easier for me to send them off when they are all smiling and full of confidence. Sam was voted class vice president and Joe is getting all "4's" on his work. Molly... oh Molly, just thinking about her fear those first few days was almost enough for me to decide she wasn't ready. But half way through last week and this week she has been full of energy and excitement ready to run to the buss to see her friends. She talks about all her classmates constantly and says how pretty her new teacher is.

As for the no-sleeping stress, well some of that was solved by weaning Mae and some of it was solved by her moving into her own crib. Neither of these things were what I had planned and, well, we all know how i HAVE to stick to my plans. She is sleeping better and is so much happier during the day. Also, I'm now able to just cuddle with her and she will play with me and is content, where as before she was constantly trying to nurse. Every.single.time. I held her. She is starting to crawl, sitting up on her own, and LOVES eating dinner at the table.

And not to be left out, Lucy and Iris are pretty good too, they spend their time getting into things and coloring. They love when all the kids are at school and then they get extra mom time. Iris has been insisting on watching a movie (Wreck it Ralph - her current obsession) in my bed together after her nap. Lucy has been coloring and is finally starting to play toys on her own. They both love to be responsible for Mae so I'll sometimes ask them to find her blanket or get a diaper for her. They are so proud to be big sisters and work as hard as they can.

I've come to accept things, it took me awhile to let it go. It was a lot of tears thinking and talking about Molly. I wasn't even able to tell Jerry all those things that were hidden in my heart. Walking her to school for her first day, picking out her first backpack, doing her hair, putting her coat on. I feel like I cried a week away. I am very rarely emotional to the point of actual tears and man, it was tough. I'm so blessed though by my husband who is patient and loving and kind. He took my fears seriously and comforted me in a loving and respectful way. I can't tell you enough how much I love him and how he understands me, and most importantly understands my shy sensitive girl. He is always caring about the kids' feelings and never brushes their troubles aside or dismisses them as "irrational"... though let me tell you... I was pretty irrational for awhile.

I am incredibly proud of how well all the kids are adjusting to it all. I love them to pieces.

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