Saturday, December 8, 2012

a long update

I have been having a hard time finding the beauty in this season, I haven't even gone outside in days. I feel like it's the time of year I tend to feel a little more under a cloud as it is and throw in there the exhaustion of the 3rd trimester of pregnancy and having moved.

The move was hard but we made it. My parents came over the day after we moved and helped us put almost everything where it went. I feel like we moved two days ago, I am exhausted - still.

Our Christmas festivities are going very well. We're accomplishing Christmas festivities and it's been relatively stress free. There was a Christmas tree incident where I may or may not have been incredibly disappointed that we didn't cut down our tree, even though it was my decision. Sometimes pregnancy hormones are confusing. Well, that was just a bad week all together.

We have had several good conversations about Christmas with the kids. We broke the news to them a few weeks before Christmas started that Santa was more of a myth, not an actual person and they all took it very well. Now it's kind of like a wink and a nudge; "Yeah Santa might bring you that if you're good!" they've been overheard saying. I feel much more at peace with it since I felt so terrible about lying to them. It's all worked out really well now though. I was also a little bit undecided about how we would handle several presents that I knew the kids wanted. Joe wants the lego death star - it's almost $400.00. How would we tell him Santa couldn't bring it? How many gifts to each person get? Instead of writing letters to Santa, we've  switched it to writing a list. We decided each kid could get each kid 1 present, and it had to be around 5 bucks. Last year we did the dollar store and that was fun too, but we decided we could bump up the price since we're just planning on getting the kids one gift each anyway. The kids are going to pick a special gift together, for Jerry. They're very excited about it and have it all planned out. I feel like this is a good tradition we can carry on, unlike Santa gifts. I always over think holidays and I am so happy that this year is going so smoothly. I attribute most of that to my ridiculous planning during the whole year. We have most of our traditions set now so we just have to follow along. I am loving it.

Iris has turned into a toddler. Bone-a-fide. She's learned the joys of climbing on counters and tables and into her high chair. She's realized she can reach all the ornaments on the tree and knows that Daddy works behind that door. She will stand on the other side of it and bang on it, screaming at he top of her lungs until I hear her or Jerry hears her. Either way, she is a pain! Ha!
She is talking so much! She says, Mom, Dad, Sam, Joe, Molly, Lucy, and Issy. She can say baby, drink, more, all done, no, don't, up, night night, and anything we prompt her to say she will repeat. It's pretty fun!

Lucy is talking in full complete sentences. Her speech is still very garbled and I'm sure if I was a better parent I would take her to speech therapy. She is still such a peculiar little child, still struggles with OCD and Pika. She likes things the way she likes them and really the only time she cries, which is all the time is because of a reason, not because she's throwing a fit. Her OCD gets much worse when she's tired because everything makes her upset. Recently she told us, "I like to wash my hands so they're all clean!" and on the advice of friends on facebook gave her some special lotion which she thinks is soap. She is still the most grateful child you've ever met. When we bring anything home that could possibly be for her - like new cups or towels or anything she finds delight in she will say, "THANK YOU MOM AND DAD! You're the best!" and give us huge hugs.

Molly is doing a great job learning to read. She is going to be a bigger reader than Sam I'm sure, but in a different way. She cuddles into the sofa or lays on the rug and will slowly read a book. I think she will have a  bigger variety of books that she reads. Either way I love seeing this side of her. She is very girly. Loves cute clothes, cares about her hair and having freshly painted nails. She thinks about what she's going to wear to preschool all week and then immediately plans what she'll wear next week. Her best friend at school is Lilly because she wears cute shirts. I was very excited to find the whole Molly American Girl box set of books at half price books a few weeks ago. I think she will love having them and really look forward to reading them together. She is really excited for the arrival of baby Mae and she talks about things all the time. Where will the baby sleep, what kind of clothes will she wear, etc. She is very sweet and very tender. A lot of times she will cry when she's getting in trouble because she's sad we're upset with her. We've had to change our discipline tactics a couple of times to make sure she's getting the right kind of correction and not getting scarred for life. ;)

Joe has settled into being 6.5 very well. He is a lego and hot wheels maniac. He doesn't like to read, doesn't like to do homework, and doesn't like doing chores. He adamantly tells us he will not be having ANY children, he will be an artist. We encourage him and tell him he could have children even if he's an artist - but no, he doesn't want any interruptions. After spending some time with us my Mom pointed out that Joe is not stupid (We don't think he is, but sometimes he really acts like it!) but that he plays stupid when he doesn't want to do something. Homework is a big struggle. I'll tell him it's time for homework and then tell him again a second time and later a third time before finally getting him to the table. He'll immediately fill out the whole page and when I look he'll have gotten NOTHING right! Sometimes he'll write letters on the math sheet, which is what led me to being baffled about his intelligence. I have to sit there and practically give him the answers. He does NOT care about his handwriting and no matter how many times I've erased the same backwards 'S' he will just as quickly write it exactly the same incorrect way. It's doesn't really bother me per say, it's just obnoxious. It makes me laugh now that my mom has so aptly named the issue.
He is incredibly sweet, cares so much about other people and is quick to forgive. He LOVES to play minecraft on the computer or XBox, but instead of building he likes to destroy things with lava. He talks to himself constantly and the things he says are if he's living life completely differently. Like what he sees is a room full of danger and indiana jones is standing right there. "Come on, there's lava there - you have to step on every other line" or something when he's just on his way to bed. He cracks me up!

Sam is also really excelling in school. He got almost all 4s (exceptional) except of course, for his handwriting - he got a 2 (approaches standard). He is quick witted and very intelligent. He is fun to play games with finally because we actually work towards a common goal - winning!
He officially graduated from speech therapy after 6 years! He still has a lisp, but I don't think that's something that will be cured. It's more of a kid thing - or maybe it's hereditary; my brother spencer and I had big lisps when we were little and still slur our s's.
I struggle with him a lot with the amount of energy he has when he gets home from school. I'm not sure if it's because he's almost 8 or if it's something that is more parallel with sensory integration disorder but he has a very hard time being quiet, gentle, kind, or concentrating when he comes home. He really drives the kids crazy with getting in their face or karate chopping them too hard. Tonight while he was supposed to be working on homework I peeked into the kitchen to find him doing kung fu. He listens to instructions very well, and can do a task without complaining but the anything else in his brain goes right out the window. Maybe that has to do with being a male. If we say "Do your steps then go to bed", he will do his steps (potty, wash hands, brush teeth, get jammied) and next thing we know he's attacking someone. His response to getting in trouble is to look down at his feet and say, "sorry" but not actually looking sorry and definitely not actually being sorry. I want to karate chop him in the face daily.
Sam has changed his aspirations and no longer wants to be a farmer or a scientist. He's decided he wants to be a programmer and for Christmas he is asking for a server. I don't even know what a server is. (sarcasm)

Being a mother as usual is heartwarming and heartbreaking. It physically hurts my heart when my kids continuously make bad decisions and get in trouble. It also hurts in a different way when I see the Christmas magic on their face. I can hardly wait to add another baby to the mix. Our last baby. We're done. I'm planning to have "the surgery" after Mae is born. Either during the c-section if we do that or the day after while we're still at the hospital. Our stay either way will be about 4 days.
I am terrified and excited for our future at the same time. I'm only 25. Being "done" having kids forever seems so very final. What will I do when I am 40 and all my kids have moved out or are close to moving out? I'm terrified I will regret it, terrified my arms will ache for another baby. I'm afraid I will live my life with the regret of never having a baby boy with Jerry's face. I know that seems so silly right now, but those are my thoughts.
I am excited to have something finalized in our life though. No more babies! I will be able to lose baby weight and not anticipate it coming back which really makes me not want to lose any baby weight. I can again for the 6th time get rid of my baby things and this time not regret it!
But I'm still nervous about it. We always said we'd stop having babies when we felt like we were ready. My body failing seems to have decided for me. Being sick this entire pregnancy, having GERD, gall stones, dietary issues, anemia, weight loss, concern over the baby, anxiety, and depression. All of these things getting worse almost every day, each week something new pops up - because my body is done. I am so thankful for my wonderful healthy children and the opportunity I've had to birth them all.

We got our big family, now to get through the rest of their lives.

I don't know when I"ll get back to blogging, but for now I'm going to let it go like everything else. I don't have to blog... I'm not even sure people read my blog anymore, but it's a good reminder for my future self of what it was like with 6 kids under 8 years old!

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