Tuesday, October 2, 2012

20 weeks and a quick look into what's going on... in there!

The morning before I left for our ultrasound I mentioned on facebook how anxious I felt about this appointment and I got so many sweet notes from friends and family telling me they were thinking of us. I felt so much more peaceful after that and appreciated it so much!

Our appointment went very well and we were very excited to find out that we are expecting another daughter! Yay! We're very excited!

We are planning on naming her Mae Elizabeth. In Chinese Mae means "littlest sister" and in greek it means "Goddess of spring/ bringer of new life".Her name means so much to me and I can't stop looking at her sweet little profile and wondering what she will look like. A house full of girls!

The main reason for our appointment today was to measure the baby and to check out blood flow to her brain. It looked great! If her blood flow was slow or not reaching all the places it should be then we would be concerned about Fetal Anemia. Essentially, where the baby isn't making enough red blood cells. Fetal Anemia and/or hemolytic disease of the fetus and newborn are the likely causes of our still birth. Iris was diagnosed with Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn when she was in the hospital after she was born, it is what caused her very (8wk) early arrival. 

Our team of specialists (and boy do I have a team - 6 doctors all following my charts!) believes that this is exactly what happened to Elizabeth and that there's a very good chance it would happen again. I know doctors tend to err on the side of caution so I do have a little bit of a hard time letting it all go and letting them makes the decisions but ultimately we want a healthy baby, even if I have to jump through some hoops and/or be on bed rest for 4 months. 

Right now I'm getting a blood draw every few weeks and they check my antibody levels. If they're high that means the baby could possibly, maybe, even probably have a different antigen than me and my body is fighting it. If my levels are high, we go in for an ultrasound. If the baby does show signs of Fetal Anemia we will have an amniocentesis to make sure and while the needle in already injected we will give the baby a blood transfusion through her umbilical cord. Wowza! I am super anxious about it, but there's nothing I can do about it either way so for now - we stick with the plan!

My birth plan is fairly complex. At first my medical team wanted me to be on 100% bed rest once I got to 20 weeks (And they stressed IF I got there. I'm not even kidding that they were just sooo sure that I would miscarry!) because with the genetic incompatibilities we want to have the least amount of stress on the baby as possible. We originally talked about having to do a cesarian at 36 weeks because the chance of the baby being still born jumps up and they would rather take their chances with a premature baby. 
Currently those are on the back burner. Thankfully!

If I have my own way I would have another natural birth at home. When I knew that I would be delivering Iris at a birthing center without a bunch of poking and prodding, I felt so peaceful and calm. I am having major freaking out moments going back to a hospital... especially with a cesarian on the table. 

My husband reminds me constantly, above all, we want a healthy baby. Bless that man for being level headed. "Kait, you would survive a csection. We would survive another preemie. We would survive another hospital stay, I have paternity leave." And I feel better because if we get to the point that the baby can be born and the baby is healthy, I would have a csection... I need a healthy baby.

I have had 3 ultrasounds now and this week is the first week the baby is measuring about a week behind. It is true that 20 weeks is when genetics takes over and the baby starts to grow at its own rate... but I'm not sure how the great 'they' are going to interpret this. 

Something else that is a concern to me but not my doctors is that the baby hardly ever moves. My doctor assures me it's because she is only 20 weeks and that not all babies are the same.. yada yada yada. But ALL my babies are big movers by now. Usually kicking my bladder and doing the running man on my lungs... so I feel a bit nervous about it all, plus I'm just hyper sensitive.
Maybe if I over think it all and stuff my feelings down then the baby will be fine? lol. Maybe not.
I'm just really trying to stay calm, relax, not be anxious, and pray about it whenever I feel unrest. 
Lately I've been feeling this sense of dread every time I'm going to go to any appointment. I was so nervous about this appointment because I just felt like I KNEW something horrible was going to happen at the appointment. Nothing did - classic Kaitlin.

We don't know how her birth will be. Best case is that I go into labor sometimes AFTER 38 weeks, I get to have a natural labor in the hospital. That's what I'm shooting for and right now, I'm trying not to focus on the "plan B" even though... I have to plan for it... so I'm juggling being aware of the plan but not focusing on the plan.

What we do know is that this is our last baby and with that comes the last pregnancy, the last time getting ready for a new little person. At this point in my very emotional state the first time smelling a newborn baby and the first time bringing the baby home. Jerry's being really great with me talking about baby clothes non stop. Freaking out about what the baby is going to wear home is all I'm freaking out about... right now. :)

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for letting me into your life. I like to hear about all these details. I will be praying for you and Jerry and Mae.