Thursday, April 12, 2012

Amazing Grace

I have a serious guilt problem.

Mommy guilt.
Wife guilt.
Daughter guilt.
House neglect guilt.

Not going outside when it's sunny guilt.
Forgetting a dentist appointment guilt.

It's serious.

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Real guilt. I feel guilty for something all the time. ALL.THE.TIME.

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I have always been like this. My entire life. I also over think everything. My entire life.

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And it makes me so tired. My brain is always going 100 miles an hour thinking everything through. "dang, I bought those seeds to plan on the first day of spring, it was going to be a fun project with the kids. I hate forgetting a plan. Gosh, I should do those right now but I really should start another load of laundry/change the baby/clean out the desk/clean off the bookshelf. I'll do it later." Then I don't get any of those things done and I feel soo guilty.
Especially when my husband comes home and everything is probably the way he left it, usually a bit worse.

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Yes, the kids did their chores so some things are picked up and somethings got clean, the laundry was washed - just not put away. The garbage is full, the dishes need loading. There's just too much to do sometimes. It piles up.

Then I get caught up in the irritation of life and I get grouchy towards my kids. "Ugh! Could you please clean your room a LITTLE FASTER!?" and then I get irritated with myself then I feel guilty that I'm a horrible person for yelling at a four year old.

I never think, "No, you're not a bad person." and when my husband tells me that I'm not, I never believe him. I just think he probably thinks I'm going to have a mental breakdown and he's probably already priced out institutions.

Every single time I listen to 'My Chains Are Gone'. every.single.time. I feel my heart relax, my mind relax and I can take a deep breath. Sometimes I get a little teary.

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I feel peace rush in, and my mind is flooded with scripture. I know you are probably rolling your eyes, 'aren't you just so religious'... but really, it does. I grew up in a very religious shell (lol) and I have many many scripture memorized. That's a crazy thing about memorizing verses - they come back to you.

"The Lord will fight for you; you only need be still." Exodus 14:14

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"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians.

"I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name." 1John 2:12

In the Bible, Jesus offers himself as a living sacrifice for our sins and tells us to no longer offer up animals as "guilt offering".

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If only I could remember, God ransomed me! My sins are washed clean - if God isn't mad at me for sending my kids to bed without their teeth brushed then why should I be?

His grace appeared the second I believed in Him. 

Matthew 11:28-30 “… Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 


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And in seconds I find myself full of peace and thankfulness. 

My chains (of guilt, of failure, of sins, of 'not-good-enough', of ....) are gone.

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Unending Love. Amazing Grace.

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1 comment:

  1. Cute pictures! I think Lucy and Iris look alike but molly doesn't look anything like them. So funny! I think many mothers can relate to the guilt, you're not alone.

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