The last couple of weeks have been stressful. Big girl stress. I think I just realised it.
I can't even begin to tell you all the frustration in my life right now. The BIGGEST problem, is that they are all the dumbest little iritations that are just building, building, building on me.
The biggest irritation for me right now is that we just moved and our new property management company will not/has not come out to fix a couple of problems with the house.
#1 - I'm pretty sure the water heater is going out. Our water is DARK BROWN. Just the hot side, in every room. Like I really want to take a dark brown bath. I don't.
#2 - The carpet in the living room smells like cat pee/dead animal. It's better since we moved in, but still smells. I have a baby crawling-ish... sort of and why didn't you get the carpets cleaned when the old tenant moved out!?
#3 - There is a tree, a very big tree that broke during the ice storm that is BLOCKING MY DAMNED DOOR! You have the choice of ducking and crawling under the branch, walking through the flower bed pressed up against the house, or pulling it back to scoot by. IT'S A BIG ASS TREE.
#4 - Our garage door decided to break about three days after we moved in. There for we have to enter the house by that damned tree every day. EVERY TIME I GO OUTSIDE I feel irritated all over again.
#5 - The walls are filthy. My parents think it's because the woman had so many candles. I figured I could just wipe them down... nu - uh. It just spreads.
Jerry filed a maintenance request on the 17th. I called on the 22nd to follow up and they were very friendly and helpful. They said, "oh yeah we could totally paint." But why didn't they see any of this in the final inspection? Why didn't they have the carpets cleaned between tenants? I sent them another maintenance request on Wednesday afternoon. They said to stay home all day Thursday and they would have someone come out. No one showed up. I called (left a message) on Friday to tell them I had company coming and would they please let me know if they were then planning to come over the weekend since they hadn't showed up on Thursday. I called again today and had to leave another message. This time I wasn't quite so friendly. I said it was incredibly irritating that I can't get into my house via the garage door since it's broken but have to walk in to the house through the front door... and the tree is blocking my entrance.
Those small 5 things are like a thorn in my side and I just keep having to take a deep breath and say to myself, "Phew, let it go. Not a big deal."
Then my debit card cracked in half and I can't order a new one for 30 days because I just changed my address.
Then I accidentally bought skim milk which tastes terrible and I feel red hot anger every time I see it in the fridge because I think to calm myself down I will have some hot tea and I boil the water, plop in a tea bag, pour in the water. Wait 4 minutes open the fridge and BAM - nasty ass milk.
The kids each got somewhere between 24 and 27 valentines and I swear each one had a piece of candy on it. Every afternoon I let them have one. They don't beg for it during the day and are fine with having one piece after school - except today when Joe came home from school and had been eating nuts on the bus (which I don't even know where he got them!?) and I told him because this was his second time breaking bus rules he would get a punishment - no candy. He whined for a minute then walked away, when he asked me a second time why he couldn't have a piece of candy I felt the red hot anger flair up. I flipping hate candy. I hate having it in my house. I realized it has been irritating me and I didn't even notice. I want to punch candy in the face.
Man this feels so good to complain!!
I don't have any hand soap in our bathroom. The kids have some kid hand soap in their bathroom and I don't want that stuff and I don't really want to take the hand soap from the bathroom down stairs because I know I'll just forget to get new soap down there and that will irritate me too. I just want to have some damned hand soap when I want it.
The porch light is blue. There - I said it. It irritates me. WHO would put in a blue porch light!? I hate it. It's the smallest dumbest irritant ever.
I started back to school on the first of February. And since then I have been having financial aid problems and if I actually have to talk about it I will either throw up or round house kick my computer monitor. It makes me THAT angry. The point is - they keep saying they aren't receiving a document and I've sent it several ways. I cry incompetence. I hate them and their stupid documents.
But I especially hate wanting cookies when I want to also lose weight. Cookies are not a big downfall for me... in reality nothing is. I don't know why I weigh what I do and it irritates me. But as soon as I decided I wanted to lose weight my brain decided to go crazy and tell myself that I need cookies. I haven't made any - because I know that's not what is going to make it all better - but I'm also pretty sure that the hole in my heart right now could be filled with cookies. It's making my grouchy.
I want to add a cute picture or something witty to this post but I don't want to e-mail a picture from my phone to my e-mail, upload it to flickr then post it. That would just make me irritated. Instead I'll post this one of a cute kid who keeps getting in trouble for being hungry all the time and eating on the bus.
Ugh - which reminds me, my camera is still broken... it just irritates me that I can't pull it out and use it when I want!
But the biggest irritant of all is that tomorrow is the anniversary of the day my sweet baby girl was born without life and somehow everything except for me knows it's coming. I'm not ready. I'm not prepared to deal with the sadness that always shows up.
There is a sharp pain somewhere deep in my heart. It's really irritating.