Ohana means family

My sister finally had my nephew! 6lbs 14 oz, 20" long.

I've been sitting here staring at his pictures for about 2 hours. Flipping back and forth and zoning out... trying to imagine what his other ear looks like or how his head is shaped from the back.

It has been so hard for me to be here and not there. I wasn't expecting this.

I was expecting this whole time that she would have her baby two weeks ago and I would have my baby in two weeks. I'd be able to drive the 5+ hours over. I'd be able to be there for her labor and I could be a know it all and act like a mother/sister cub and beat people up who don't listen to her. She did it for me. She did more than that for me. After my very traumatizing birth with Sam she actually held the kid up to my boob so he could nurse and I didn't even move my arms... but she was almost two weeks over due, and now I'm 38 weeks. Iris is going to come out literally ANY MINUTE and after long long long discussions (I'm talking about LOOONG not so light hearted discussions) we decided I shouldn't drive over. Who knows if I start labor and have the baby on the pass! What if I couldn't even make it to Spokane but had to stop and deliver in Moses Lake? And I'd have the car. And I wouldn't be near anyone.

All I've done the last couple of days is think and pray for my sister and the baby. What more can I do, I'm not there. I'm also arranging meals for her and every time someone e-mails me or calls about it I feel an over whelming amount of desire to say, "Actually, this is my job. She's my sister." and to the very kind people who are wondering if they can bring anything to the hospital for her I want to shout, 'NO! I should be bringing her the tall half pump marble mocha machiados (her favorite drink from starbucks),  I should be bringing her ridiculous parenting magazines and embarrassing her by taking inappropriate pictures. I should be hogging him until someone tells me to give him up. I should be the doting aunt." it makes me sad. But I"m so thankful at the response and out pouring of love from our family and friends... especially since I can't be there.

Also, I'm a wee bit emotional because I am, as stated before, 38 weeks pregnant. But I am sad and looking at his sweet little pictures and left me a little weepy. If only I could be there just for a few hours...

But the poor little  guy has a bit of an infection in his lungs and he's going to be in the NICU for a bit. My sister is a champ, I freaked out when Lucy failed her hearing test. My sister is handling all of this, including her somewhere near 40 hour labor and recover like she's a freaking birthing professional. She's always relaxed about these kinds of things, which is why she is awesome. And why I want to slap her around when I'm the one freaking out. :) She's on solid ground, I'm a little more flighty.

When I told the kids that their new cousin was born and after a lengthy discussion why she didn't name him Lucas (my brother's baby's name) and why I hadn't had Iris and why I wasn't naming Iris, Lucas the boys decided they wanted to send the baby books that they were going to draw. I got out the coloring supplies and they ended up deciding he needed an activity booklet of sorts so Sam made 5 full pages of tic -tac-toe boards and Joe made scavenger hunt maps. Molly drew several rainbows (genuine ones, not piles of slugs) and then I convinced them to take a picture.

Sam has issues with the sun, Joe's sock has a huge hole in it. Molly is the only one smiling. Lucy wanted to wear a Darth Vadar mask.

Then we went inside hoping to avoid all the squinting. Ninja Kitty jumped right up there thinking she's one of the kids.

I'm going to call, "best-we-can-do" at this point. lol.

And then Lucy went and got her mask and was much happier.
And then I heard her say, "cheese" in a very definite tone.

I know I am more sad than the kids that we aren't able to be there, but I know how much we would LOVE to be there meeting him for the first time. I can just imagine the squinty lovey smile on Sam's face when he does meet him.

Just so you know Amanda, we all love him an awful lot over here... even though we can't be over there.