Thursday, November 12, 2009

I wont lie, it's been tough



What ever lovely woman told me going from three to four was easier than two to three was on crack. I won't name names here but let's just say this is not what I have found.
I suppose if I didn't have three children in diapers, one kid being incredibly bored all the time, one little girl testing us at every turn and one little mischievous boy who likes to draw on things (ie. walls, the fridge, my new table...) and one small baby who NEVER STOPS CRYING it would maaaaaybe be easier. But I doubt it.
Lucy has had troubles at every turn. Her stomach, her eye, her skin, her diaper rash, her herniated belly button... the list goes on. We've been to the Dr. so many times since she was born (like almost two times a week) that when I leave now and tell the kids they can't come with me Joe assumes I'm going to the Dr. I will report that while at first her eye was just watery, it did end up turning green goopy which would crust over her eye and coincidentally I had already asked for a prescription for her so I gave her eye drops for 7 days and the goop went away but the watery eye is still around.
Her diaper rash at this time is determined to never go away. We've ruled out breast milk problems. I've done everything they say to check for allergies (taking out foods for two weeks, gradually adding them back in one at a time...) and there has been no sign of a change. The zinc oxide cleared up the yeast but the red bleeding blisters are apparently here to stay. I have tried EVERYTHING. She is naked a portion of the day and in the sunlight. We have tried three different diapers but now I'm considering that maybe she's allergic to the gel in disposable diapers. We're going to attempt to switch to cloth for a few weeks to see if it clears up. I am not excited about this. I am not granola. I enjoy contributing to landfills. I enjoy tossing poopies into the garbage can and having them hauled away. The prospect of a new daily task of scrubbing diapers does not appeal to me. But the guilt pulls at my heart and so I must try. If this doesn't work I'm going to assume that there is nothing that can be done and I am going to give up and apply cream at every changing and hope she out grows this sensitive skin.
Her crying baffles us all. Our pediatrician assures me its not colic but she cries A LOT. Like over 12 hours a day. She does not scrunch herself up like it's gas and in fact giving her gas drops does not help. She is gaining weight like a pro and eats like a horse (like the other 12 hours of the day) and so we are at a loss and I'm praying that maaaaaybe by 6 weeks or so the crying will cease and we'll just have this little baby who is just a normal crying sometimes baby. She sleeps only a handful of hours, mostly between 8am and 5pm.

Molly is going through a really hard stage too. She is throwing fits. Joe kind of threw fits. Mostly he just howled. Molly stomps her feet, flops on the ground, screams, throws things... much more on the dramatic side. And then for some reason instead of going to bed happily like she has since she was born she had decided crying for up to three hours would be profitable. I tell you all it has gained her is a couple good spankings. She'll get out of bed and empty her toy box by throwing her toys at the wall or the door and likes to now push her bed around the room. I don't know why.

The mommy guilt is eating away at me. I've never gotten so little sleep in my life and if it weren't for Jerry and his lack of out of the house jobness I'd be dead and probably my kids would be too. I'm still struggling a bit with some postpartum depression. I wouldn't say I'm gloomy all the time but I am very easily upset and general downcast feelings. On top of that my wisdom teeth have decided to come in and I've been in a ton of pain for three days.

At times like these Lamentations 3 comes to mind.

This is how I feel:
"So long my soul is deprived of peace, I have forgotten what happiness is"
But this is what I'm trying to remember:"The favors of the LORD are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent; They are renewed each morning, so great is his faithfulness."


Thank you for letting me complain. I do lead a blessed life... if only it were easier! :)

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