Friday, July 15, 2005
And dispite the fact that I try, and that I hope, and wish, and pray, nothing. There are no tears to cry, because there is nothing. No commitment, just someone I was hanging out with. They're not supposed to mean anything to me, because apparently I mean nothing to them. I will never learn. I will never realise that I do not know what's best. I will never have a normal relationship. Life is fucked up. *the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had*... suddenly... in a blink of an eye. I really have nothing to say, I'm so mad that I'm shaking, and I can feel my heart, what I have left of it beating. Of course you were right Dad, you're always right, just please... this time don't rub it in my face. I know you never do, and never would... but please just once more. Let it go. One more thing for them to laugh at me about, I'm a loser and so are my chosen relationships... but then again it wasn't even a fucking relationship. It's over, I want it to be over, I'm glad it's over. I don't have to feel bad about wanting him to call, wanting him to come over, wanting him to hurry. That would be a joke.