Okay life sucks. It's like every other day I feel positive about life, but right now, I hate it. I hate everyone in life, everyone who does their own thing and goes their own way and then takes out their feelings on me. I hate that Kalli's mad at me, I hate that I'm pregnant, I hate that there are no good reasons, I hate that I'm always having to justify my actions, I hate that I can't have my own life, I hate that people pretend to care, I hate that people are only nice to you when they want something, I hate that I can't get over this bump in life, I hate that I can't smile whenever I want to, I hate that I'm losing my best friend, I hate that I've lost Seth, I hate that I can't I can't go see him, I hate that he's stuborn, I hate that I have parents who are so into my life, I hate that I can't leave and not come back, I hate that I can't plan for moving out, I hate that I hate me, I hate that I can't do anything good enough, I hate that I had every opportunity in the world and blew it because I wanted to, I hate that I never feel good enough to be me, I hate that I live in Othello, I hate that my brother has a girlfriend and I'm alone, I hate that people are doing things with their life and I'm only ruining mine, I hate that I can't make anyone happy, I hate feeling so ashamed, I hate feeling so guilty, I hate that I cry whenever something bothers me, I hate that I have no money, I hate that life sucks, I hate that I can't fix my problems, I hate that I can't fix anyone's problems, I hate that the people I thought would be around forever are stupid butt heads and dissapoint me all the time, I hate that I blame my parents for ruining my friendship, I hate that my brothers don't talk to me, I hate feeling un-liked, I hate that I'm not perfect, I hate it.... I hate it... I hate it... I hate hurting my mom's feelings, I hate that there's a cradle in my room, I hate being reminded of my sins, I hate feeling like this, I hate telling people I'm pregnant because it's like I bare my sin everytime I mention it, I hate when my parents say to just start getting excited and all I can do is cry for my lost love and for my shame. I hate being only seventeen, I hate being already seventeen, I want to have something to do at night, I want to be able to laugh with someone, I hate beeing cheered up constantly, I hate people being nice to me because they think I'm going through a hard time, I hate the twins screaming non stop, I hate that I can't be happy, I hate that my friends don't live in town, I hate that I'm never satisfied, I hate that my Dad's not home, and when he is, I hate knowing whatever desicion I make will always dissapoint someone, if I keep the baby, I lose Seth, if I keep Seth and get rid of the baby, I might lose my family, and then what's the guarantee Seth's going to stay around. I wish I could put this all off for awhile, for two or three years, I hate not having everything I want and I hate having everything I ask for. I hate putting my parents out, I hate that I'm changing life so dramtically, I hate throwing up, I hate crying, I hate that I am crying, and that I cry all the time, and that Seth's not here to understand, I hate that my friends are moving away and growing up and I have to stay here with my sin forever. I hate that I feel resentment towards the baby and that I don't want it, I hate that I'm not excited, I hate that I feel like everybody's out to get me. I hate that people online talk to me and I ignore them and then I claim to have no friends, I hate that I don't walk my dog enough, I hate that I don't go to church, I hate that other people's problems seem like nothing, I hate that I'm always compairing myself to someone else, I hate life. I hate it, I wish there was an alternative, I wish I had friends who were perfect, I wish I had a perfectly family and that I wasn't pregnant. I wish my Dad would let me see Seth and I wish Seth would say everything I want him to. I wish, I wish I wasn't me and that I wasn't here. I wish. But no matter what I wish, it'll never happen. I am who I am and my flaws are part of me, sorry, I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry I never lied to Kalli, and I'm sorry you don't think I'm a good friend. I am who I am, and nothing's going to change it.

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